Sacred

I appreciate truly sacred things, and probably fall for some semi-sacred things, but I am deeply opposed to things being called sacred when they are just the opposite. In my opinion, a stone or crystal can not be sacred, nor can a forest or a wilderness ( by itself). Even the rock from which a tomb was carved is not sacred because it held a holy man.

What is sacred is what is used by God or used for God's purpose. I am to be holy, and devoted and dedicated to the Lord. When I do that, am that and be that, I am sacred unto Him. The shell that is my humanity has been made special by the light of God's Holy Spirit being deposited there. I am a lamp and He is the flame burning eternally in this temporal vessel.

I need both a sacred place in my heart, and in my physical dwelling ( but for now there is too much clutter and chaos) this will be a place of study, prayer and devotion, a chapel or sanctuary - even a "tent of meeting" for this traveler in the path on the way to a better promised land. I desire such a place, and more importantly I need to go there often. To give and to get. Giving praise and worship and getting the battle plan for today, getting strength for today's journey and finding my spiritual food.

God is making sacred more and more places on this earth, one heart at a time, one home at time. As the darkness gets darker, the light of His holiness shines brighter, and the fire of His love burns and cleanses out the dirt and filth that has been allowed but will not always pollute His earth and stain His creation.

break through, or break away.

pushing the reset button on me.
CLICK

nothing that has gone on the past several months must stop me from exploring
from discovering, from pushing myself to my limits in hope of exhausting me and finding the reservoir that comes from God, breaking through to the pipe of blessing, and letting Him and his wisdom flood my mind, body and heart.
Just as in the middle of a very dark night we do not long for the sunset that was, we long for the first light of dawn that precedes the sunrise that is coming. This is a dark place for me, but not nearly as bad as the prior places where my body and mind were at limits, and I found little in the reserve tank of my spirit. Each time I have hot a very low spot, God has been faithful to send His message, to equip messengers to bring to me a cup of refreshment, along with a candle's worth of light, just so that I could see my next step.
I walk on, but I do not walk alone.

I have not talked much

when I was alone, i needed this pace more as a 'listening friend',
now it seems that since I am part of an amazing 'power couple', I do most of my conversing with one special person and do not have so many unexpressed inner thoughts, longings and dreams. My recent work is also great medicine, bring out the child/creative me, at the same time as it exhausts 85% of my human energy. the challenges are good ones, physical, emotional, and a good bit of self therapy in there as well. my eyes are working at the same time as my imagination; is what i just did right? and what goes next to or on top of that? will it all fit, look good and last a long time?

I love my writing and will come back here now and again to add to this space, or to tune or edit some postings. Know that if I am not here, I am out there enjoying a great summer, and making things that improve my corner of this world.

My children ( 2/3 of them) are here for the summer, and I look forward to all that potential. There is so very much to do on all fronts, pray that I will be inspired, motivated and have great energy for the work, and the play.

I want ( and need ) to travel to see some of my mom's relatives ( that I have never met) before it is too late. i want to see Seattle, and am dreaming of a trip to Germany, in the fall. I need lots of possibilities to keep me happy. if they all don't happen this year, that will be alright. It is in God's hands.

random thoughts from camping

many fun moments and some mildly stressful ones too

it does not pay to get too far from a reliable coffee pot
and LEARNING never stops.

the people closest to you ( in the next campsite) will irritate you the most

Girl scouts really do have more fun.

time together is all we have, and it is made more precious by time apart
( i realize this seems to make no sense)

many good writings will come from my sailboat accident

Mom is a good camper - still - at 91

i am a good camper at 55 as long as I have hot showers

hannah is a good camper and will be for a good long time
she is also great with her grandma

more later....

question of the day: Are you a good camper?

darn you russ!

Russ is making another Kayak and he has me thinking I should make one too.
I spent half this morning looking at CLC kits and dreaming of wood chips, sawdust and the smell of fiberglass resin.... Go encourage him at "a Boy and his Dog"
Tell him he is costing me a lot in lost time that I should be spending on my current deck project.

My dear friend Amrita could use some cooler weather or more electricity, but I do not know that we can help so much with that, please though, do visit Yesu Garden and remember to pray for her mother, Hazel.

It nearly froze last night and will be cool and cloudy today, perhaps I will be brave and put the tomato plants and the squash into the ground. I held off transplanting them until I had the beds all ready
Pictures later

Not just dirt

Sifting reveals rocks that are a problem for some and a building material for others.

Today as I was filling my garden beds, I felt the need to sort the rocks from the soil using my old sifter ( picture) much like the kind my father used many years ago

In therapy I am also using a sifting device to lift up the contents of my life and to let the good and useful knowledge, wisdom and gifts fall through and screen the boulders, scree and gravel for other uses. It HAS BEEN a long process and I bless God and the many sensitive souls who have gone through those times with me.

here is what I have after sifting the soil for my garden; several large rocks that could be used to build a wall or a path, many smaller stones and gravel that I am using as fill below the depth where the roots will reach to provide drainage and stability, and then the smaller particles that fell through my 1/2" screen that will be mixed with manure and other soil amendments to make a nutritional source for the flowers and vegetables that I am going to grow.

Obvious to me, this is hard work. I lift the dirt at least three times before it is in the garden beds.
( my brain just told me how to do it in two moves, yay! )

As I work my brain works also - usually on hidden things, so no surprise that the sifting of my emotional, spiritual and psychological perspectives should come into view as I moved a half ton of dirt from one place to another.
A while ago I was a mess, a large pile of debris with some good stuff hidden in the midst. Trust me, or read my archives. A series of life changes and relationships has caused me to continue to examine what about me works and what did not, my last two therapists lent an huge boost to my progress by NOT TELLING ME MUCH, but by letting me see it for myself and OWN the reality so that it was also mine to alter. ONE REALLY GOOD BOOK opened my heart to me in a new way, Many conversations with sweet and caring friends pushed me along the path toward NOW, and being here with mom has turned into the great blessing that God is using to make me into a strong man and a more compassionate human being. It has been a hard path, but worth every step and every stubbed toe for I am seeing the mountain pass and the blue sky that foretells a brighter day.. More later - the garden has more to teach me

new kind of sicko

no ( mom), its NOT the swine flu
but it kicks like a mule!

almost one week has been sacrificed to this
head stuffing, back aching, nose running mess.

I am well enough to work, so i will do some of that tomorrow morning.

God is blessing me with such insight and such beautiful conversations
I am thrilled to know that He who waited a long time for me to understand the simplest things is now wanting to reveal to me the deeper things and unravel the mysteries that had eluded me in my years of selfishness and indulgence. Every day I learn something. Each step I take feels significant because it leads me closer to Him. Having friends that know the Lord and honor Him is an enormous blessing and one I will never take for granted.

You write the title, really

I like the previous post but it ran long
so this will be shorter, but still have a point.

Mom and I were driving home from church on a Sunday night
the roads were slick after a minor snow storm and the car ahead of me had come to a stop and was spinning its wheels. It was a Cadillac, ( my dad never liked Caddy's) drivin by a blond.

I was stopped anyway, so I hopped out and offered to tow her to the top of the hill ( the car) or use my bumper to PUSH her cute caddy to the place where the road flattened a bit.

She said the funniest thing when the window rolled down. I kid you not. With her best exasperated female, white wine laced, 'Gone with the Wind' voice. " there is something wrong with my car!"

Seriously, the thing wrong with the car was the driver, and if she stayed in the middle of the road she and her shiny car were in jeopardy. I told her I thought the ice was the problem ( i could barely keep my feet on it) and eliminated the rope tow option and nudged up under her perfect bumper and gave her the softest bump I could, until we were both moving and she was cresting the hill. She was seriously freaked out by now and moving at ten miles an hour, which is good if you are intoxicated and driving on ice. It is not good to stay at ten when there is another dip down and a rise in the next block, so she spun the tires again and we repeated our delicate dance and she ( i presume) got safely to her home and I am sure said something like, " I need a drink!"

Disclaimer: all stories on this blog are true ( even this one) unless they are fictional.

So YOU make up the applications ( there can be several) or "Caption this post"

i never

i hardly ever put up a pic of this guy
Hannah and I had a nice 1 hour paddle on the COLD blue lake. what a treat to share it with her.

Book started - book abandoned

I think I will really like "the Horse Whisperer" By Nicholas Evans.
His writing sounds somewhat like my thinking. His characters have my flaws, his words make my eyes see what I would not otherwise see. I like this. Like everything else this year, it is new to me.

A book I was having some fun ( haha) with was "He's Scared, She's Scared" by Steven Carter and Julia Sokol It examines our need to belong to another and the conflict that presents with our need to be independent. In the self help category it is one of my top ten. I just don't need it as much this week as last. I must say there were plenty of "holy &^%#!" moments when I saw my actions in the column of THINGS NOT TO DO. I am a nut, I know that. I am a lovable nut and a loving person, and for now that will just have to be enough. So I put this book down, but I recommend it highly.

New visitors will want to know this about me:
I now live at my mom's to take better care of her
I consider it a calling from God, and a blessing.
It has changed my life completely.
For many years God has been a big part of my life and my children have embraced Him.
Weakness and confusion are temporary states, not to be lived in, just visited, so I am moving on from the foolishness of the past several years. Part of my recovery is attending Calvary Chapel here in Big Bear Lake. It is a great place to worship. If you have never worshiped on bent knees with hands raised, and tears in your eyes, you have an experience waiting for you.
I love Friday's, even though I do not have weekends off.

Family

this much joy is hard to contain
all three of my beautiful kids sharing the table with my terrific mom
each of the recipes I pulled from various sites working so well together.
Being sure I got the right present for the special daughter's 18th birthday.
having them all sit together on the couch learning German from Rosetta Stone.
I think it is mostly playtime, but I do want to learn my mother tongue, sometime.

mom had a wonderful Sunday evening
it is all worth it when I get to see that.

When I am that old (90) I hope to be as alive and sharp.

A single, solitary, simple seed

one
one thought, one idea, one person

it has to come down to this
ONE is important

One man, my dad was such a powerful influence in my life that giving up my relationship with him would wound me for a long long time - and I just found that out this week.

One mistake leads to another and pretty soon the ONE person you should have protected is not, is damaged and in neglecting that sacred trust, you kill off a part of yourself. One person not born can change history, one young man's dream crushed can lead to a life of waste and want.

ONE CHANGE; recovery, repentance, surrender, whatever I call it it comes to this, for me, I gave up so much of myself trying to find myself. Now in yielding to my heavenly father, God, I am discovering more than who I am and what I am here to do, I am finding that I DO FIT in the big plan and I AM CAPABLE of taking my place in my family and in my community as a strong man. Once the blinders came off and the chains forged by years of willfulness and rebellion were cut away, the freedom that came to my limbs, my heart and my new mind is beyond putting into a few words. I am wanting to dance, my voice which grumbled for too long, now sings. My path, once a serpentine swirl strewn with wrecked dreams, now stretches far ahead toward a bright horizon.

a day at a time

time is more precious to me now
so I won't throw away big blocks of it.
I want to know what is happening in my own heart
and in my world ( i say that to delineate it from THE world)

I used to mark the calendar with future events
( and that still has its merits) but now I find I am
wanting a calendar marked with
"Amazing things that happened today"
like a diary, but simpler.

This blog is a possible starting place for a non paper reminder
of what is going on around here.

I wish to never take for granted the grace and amazing love of God toward myself and my family. I am going to be very active in first living the best life I can, by His enabling, and then capsulize a few of the days highlights for myself ( mostly) so that I am reminded of His great love and power. When it got dark last evening, i did not turn on the lights right away, letting the fire in the wood stove be the only man made light in the room.
The day had progressed perfectly, and I wanted it to last. Lunch was amazingly beautiful to see and delightful to taste. I wish I had a picture of the lime green Jello mold full of fresh fruit, it was "electric" and so refreshing with the spinach salad, grilled tuna and butternut squash. A cup of fresh hot coffee gave mom just enough Go-power to make the walk to the end of the street. When we made it back home - she sat by the fire, warmed a bit and then took a long nap.
She is becoming sweeter, and more appreciative each day, and only struggles a bit ( don't we all) with bouts of grumpiness or self criticism. I do my best to remind her that she is doing just what she should be, as we approach her 90th birthday. When we get out her 3 prescriptions I voice my wonder that she is so drug free, when others have ten or more pills a day to keep them going. We have a happy healthy mountain lifestyle, which means we slow considerably during the cold and snow season, but spring is on its way! Thank you, creator of all, for Saturday, I could not wait any longer to lock some of it in to this part of my written memory bank.

addiction

i love shopping for books on Amazon
dot
com

and I love dreaming of sailboats that are sold on
E
Bay


and I guess I am (sorta) addicted to this internet/blog/ keyboard thingee.

oh and Michele's blog, famous for the "meet n greet" has closed.
it is kind of sad.
but not as sad as the people who ran GM into the ground.
Yes, Mr. Auto worker, you can kill the goose that lays the golden eggs,
but then you just have a dead goose.

(expletive) Sunday

This morning I read a bit, wrote several things in my journal, reviewed my cataclysm dream for its possible meaning ( i think I have a new interpretation)
i talked to mom, made us both potato pancakes and fresh coffee.

In the yard, I had it good,
plenty of cedar boards, cut to size
nail gun firing clean galvanized nails into the fencing
plenty of sunshine so I could work with or without a t shirt

I did get a full section of wood fence finished, looking good
and helping to make the front side yard at my mom's more private
( so that the neighbors do not have to look at all my crap)

i had a nice lunch, a walk by the lake, and bought some groceries

maybe later I will get back to reading a GREAT book on aging and the elderly
and tomorrow I have therapy with my able counselor. i need to send some nasty collection letters.
I wish that I knew more about me, and what it is that would make me have peace, to choose clarity instead of confusion, to stop hitting my head against the wall.
Pray for me friends, as I pray for you, tonight.

soon to church, but first an update

I took some more pictures of the tree house last evening.
I am very proud of the progress and so thankful to the many hands that have contributed.
the design is fabulous as it unfolds ( like a big market umbrella)
and the space will be small, so my efficiency and neatness will need to improve.
Life, right now is about getting down to the essence. Using my heart, talent and brain to make less seem like more.

I lost an important relationship a couple months ago, it hurt, a lot, but did not kill me, so I guess I am getting stronger. My work, my family my friends keep me sane as I look forward to fall, and the move to my 400 sqare feet of "writers room" artist's retreat/ midlife madness.

wireless access soon, at home, i think

Captain of my vessel

I love that my life is in my hands, and that I seem to be able to steer it again.
I am steering toward a camping trip and toward staying closer to my family, they mean the world to me.
My sister has let me work on her place many times, and it is always a blessing.
This time I am down here on vacation but I just can't resist fiddling with some of the things that make me happy and make her place look even MORE beautiful.

Had a good Swedish massage tonight - very relaxing, almost went to sleep on the table. drove down to the beach but it was gray and cool so I did not stay long. I have plenty of sun already on plenty of my pale parts, so I am happy all over about the trip so far. more tomorrow.

newer readers

persons ( and sock puppets) new to reading this blog
may wish to know some of the following:

the sunrise above was captured by me with a 2MP Fuji camera
in winter
in my underwear ( most likely)
because when I see something like that I don't go looking where I dropped my jeans last night.

that I do write poetry - and that its buried deep in the archives

that I have many loves, and one girlfriend.
I don't blog much about my personal relationships
but if I did, it would be good reading.

I prefer to talk about my children ( 3) and my hobbies (? any number)
and my immediate family, who are gems and a huge part of who I am and what I am becoming.

Yes, I am still changing into the full essence of David, having been through several life events that partially eclipsed who I was or who I could have been. Those events are part of me now, and I may choose to reflect on them here, once in a while. More likely I will pick a scene from daily life and tell you how it affects me, or what I see in the simple pleasures, the tastes of great food, the feel of massaging a sore muscle back to health, what it means to me to be the cheer leader for my aging mom.
I am becoming, and God already sees me as complete, beautiful.
Completely Beautiful in Christ.

many loves

I love: ( in no particular order)
my blog - it is a constant imaginary friend
driving slow - it really freaks out the tourists and teens
watching the sunrise, I survived another night

I love hot coffee and fresh sourdough toast
the way birds fly crazy, even on short trips
the feel of a dogs thick fur between my fingers
the power of my muscles ( but not so much the ache afterwards)

I <3 reading the paper because I can skip all the depressing "city" stories that do not apply to me.
reading detective novels, massage manuals, and canoe construction books
not having to read instructions, because mostly I can figure it out
seeing beneath weak anti God arguments for what they are: fear of truth

I luv being a man, with an axe and a chainsaw and a four wheel drive,
eating way to much good food, watching a movie
I enjoy not pretending, just being.

I truly love these moments with you, the computer, my coffee
and the brightness of a brand new day .

( must sign off now, sounding too much like Barney.)

time away

its always wonderful to get away
its hard not to want to make vacation last forever
what comes easy for me is being a dad
and that job is right here at home
so even when its hard to do, I will push the vacation into its proper place
and focus on getting Miss Hannah though her next project for school
( I did really well on this morning's assignment)
and on helping Jared make sound decisions for his educational future.
I never wanted fathering to be easy
its a great gig
if it were easy, every man would be doing it.
They are not ( witness the front page of every local paper)
whatever my weaknesses: I am Dad
and I am good at it.