an empty chair

I met a man in the produce aisle
who was seemingly weak
but his eyes were bright
we used to be neighbors (distant)
his son and mine went to school together.
All I knew about him is he liked art
and that he had built a lot of his own home.

This time I asked him about his health
and he said he was 21 months this side of a cancer that tried to kill him.
He introduced me to the woman he loved
and said she had been the reason he survived
I did not doubt him.

He was so excited about this one day because he was alive
very much alive, seemingly moreso than me
who had never been near death.
"Appreciate today" were his parting words
"enjoy every day" and he smiled a big grin at me.

In his words I heard a message from psalm 118,
  "This is the day that the LORD has made,
Let us be glad and rejoice in it"

Joy of set

There really is no happiness like that of setting tile.
This week I get to take a simple tile and make it Beautiful because we add a little slant to it.
The blue wires are a heater that the home owner added to keep his lovely wife and babies' tootsies warm in the winter. he is a very smart guy.

I am glad to have an opportunity to serve them and to get out of my "shell" for a while. I just wish I was healthy at the same time. Today we will finish the kitchen and set tile in the entry hall. Maybe some time for grout and sealer.

baby you can drive my car

Not so long ago I was stuck
or was it my car? Stuck in a yard where less than an inch of snow had made the ground so soft and slick that I could not get traction and in my efforts to free my vehicle, it had sunk lower into the ruts in the silty clay. I had to call a tow truck ( no triple A card) to tow me thirty feet. Then I could move again on my own.
Later on, when I was restarting a relationship with a dear woman who probably knows me as well as anyone, the stuck in the mud illustration was useful.
It was not a healthy time in my life. Depression and a large dose of self pity and lethargy had my mental, emotional and physical tires spinning in the mud of life's low point, divorce.
I was not a wreck, I still had my beautiful children with me, and I always had my family ( of origin) cheering me when they could and helping in so many ways. I was not rolled over upside down and smashed beyond recognition ( like some cars I used to drive) but I was going nowhere just as surely as if I had no gas in the tank, or someone had taken the battery out.
The energy that was brought to this 'stuckness' by the best friend was very much like the tow truck. No doubt it was just what was needed, and so appreciated. She helped me get out of the simple ruts of daily despair and loss of vision, and onto a stable place where my own 'drive' was enough to move me a bit further down the road of life.
For that sort of help I will always be grateful. My life was changed and I moved on in respect to getting counseling, finding a diagnosis that fit as well as the quest for proper treatment and medication. Today I have less sad days, more sense of who I am and what I am about, and about nine years of various good and bad experiences to support the claim that "I am better now, than I have ever been".

The real lesson is this: Once the tow truck gets you to a safe place, it unhooks and you must resume driving yourself. No one looks sharp, or feels great going down the road, being propelled by another, and sitting there pretending to steer and work the pedals. Life is a contact sport.
When you get knocked about a bit it is alright to have some one set you upright. It is then your own privilege to continue on in a healthy way toward your goals.

Book started - book abandoned

I think I will really like "the Horse Whisperer" By Nicholas Evans.
His writing sounds somewhat like my thinking. His characters have my flaws, his words make my eyes see what I would not otherwise see. I like this. Like everything else this year, it is new to me.

A book I was having some fun ( haha) with was "He's Scared, She's Scared" by Steven Carter and Julia Sokol It examines our need to belong to another and the conflict that presents with our need to be independent. In the self help category it is one of my top ten. I just don't need it as much this week as last. I must say there were plenty of "holy &^%#!" moments when I saw my actions in the column of THINGS NOT TO DO. I am a nut, I know that. I am a lovable nut and a loving person, and for now that will just have to be enough. So I put this book down, but I recommend it highly.

New visitors will want to know this about me:
I now live at my mom's to take better care of her
I consider it a calling from God, and a blessing.
It has changed my life completely.
For many years God has been a big part of my life and my children have embraced Him.
Weakness and confusion are temporary states, not to be lived in, just visited, so I am moving on from the foolishness of the past several years. Part of my recovery is attending Calvary Chapel here in Big Bear Lake. It is a great place to worship. If you have never worshiped on bent knees with hands raised, and tears in your eyes, you have an experience waiting for you.
I love Friday's, even though I do not have weekends off.

sweetness of Sunday leftovers

It was just
wonderful to get out of the house for a few hours
( and away from the snow shovel)

Visited a new church, sang old songs and found new meaning.
Had a delicious Chinese dinner with new friends and had long
conversation.

Now I am home - back with mom
and the snow shovel is calling me ( names?).

Its just another mountain Sunday

Finally, it is December and

we have snow
and I have aching muscles
but am getting stronger
and more thankful to God
for all the blessings
(even the cold white ones)
that He is showering upon me

I mix happy and sad, and
hopeful with resolute
and come up with a me I can live with

My tree house is so cozy in a blowing snowstorm
( as long as the covers are up to my nose)

pics of the snow to come for you sunbelt folks.....

Mom got her massage today from the talented Lisa
what a Godly and sweet woman
she comes to our family as an angel
with healing in her hands

i was praying today as I work ( on my tan)
for several friends ( I seem blessed with so many)
for wisdom and grace.

for peace that passes understanding

for strength to do the right thing

for healing and wholeness.

--------------

I love working around my sisters place
and today I have three or four projects to 'play' at before my 5:30 Swedish massage appointment. (it is all in the name or research, I swear, just like congressman's trips overseas are all in the public service)

I am taking pictures and will do my best to upload something by tomorrow, Saturday.
It is good to blog again, and yes, it was good to take a break. Like beer, food, sex, you can overdo it with the computer.

saturday night

and I am invited to dinner at Gary's house
a special treat to be sure!
Tomorrow is reformation Sunday!
All Lutheran church members get excited ( i am told )
I am always excited, as you know.

God is in the business of blessing His people everywhere.

we had RAIN today, to cool our fires, yahoo!

Reach out, right now

pray for Chris,
she is having a tough time
with family illnesses.
She is a dear and would welcome your visit
and your loving comments.


I have shower remodel pictures here

many loves

I love: ( in no particular order)
my blog - it is a constant imaginary friend
driving slow - it really freaks out the tourists and teens
watching the sunrise, I survived another night

I love hot coffee and fresh sourdough toast
the way birds fly crazy, even on short trips
the feel of a dogs thick fur between my fingers
the power of my muscles ( but not so much the ache afterwards)

I <3 reading the paper because I can skip all the depressing "city" stories that do not apply to me.
reading detective novels, massage manuals, and canoe construction books
not having to read instructions, because mostly I can figure it out
seeing beneath weak anti God arguments for what they are: fear of truth

I luv being a man, with an axe and a chainsaw and a four wheel drive,
eating way to much good food, watching a movie
I enjoy not pretending, just being.

I truly love these moments with you, the computer, my coffee
and the brightness of a brand new day .

( must sign off now, sounding too much like Barney.)

this is my life

Friday night
and I have NO reason to complain

more accurately:
I have at least seven reasons to rejoice.
to wit:
I wake each day smiling at the rising sun in a near perfect natural world.
I find deep restful sleep each night, free from anxiety, worry, or fear.
I have trusting, caring, helpful family and friends that make my life a breeze.
I have enough unfinished projects to last me until Jesus returns.
My mom makes good progress on healing her back and regaining her mobility with the help of lasers ( read about it here) She uses less pain medication every day.
Though life is a steep mountain, I am in no hurry to climb to the summit, and am enjoying going round it in distracted circles, seeing what wildflowers I can collect on my way up.
My daughter has her drivers license and I THINK she may actually know how to use it.
----------------- and it is the weekend------
maybe I will paddle my canoe on the lake

cooking: teaching this old dog new tricks

I learned how to peel and section a grapefruit from this talented woman, Giada De Laurentiis.

it was so easy, even with my drool bib in place, to see exactly how she worked the blade just under the skin and the cut out each section so that there was no skin.

I think I may watch the show "Everyday Italian" again.
Her smile and joy in the kitchen are contagious.

I also could use new recipes for eggplant, as I have three of them in the garden, along with cucumber, tomatoes ( 4) plenty of lettuce, beans and peas. It is going to be a fabulous summer.
Delicioso

ciao!

Many thanks

I am busy with more work the next few days
but Saturday I have a fun trip planned.

If I don't post much, forgive me.
go see my other blogs here here and here.

May I say this:
NOTHING compares to being used by God to encourage
another to refresh and renew their relationship with Jesus.

For those who have been strong in advising me to get closer to God,
I thank you with all my heart. I am a stubborn man. It takes a lot to get me moving in the right direction. with a mule, you use both a carrot and a stick. With me I need the same.
Pull me a bit and push me too, and do not hesitate to whack me lovingly
when I stall and hesitate instead of going forward.

have you ever..

Have you ever worked really hard for someone, for no tangible pay, and only at the very end realized that it was God working through you to bless someone who really needed the help?
That happened to me today. I just wanted to say here, "Thank you God for using me to help this young family, and forgive me for grumbling in the midst of it. I am totally blessed that you gave them a great place to raise their cubs, and that you used my muscles mightily ( ouch) to get most of their furniture and household stuff out there in one day."


For those who ask, my mom is doing well, we had to put her oldest dog down this week, I know that was difficult. Mom has significant back pain, and we are considering cold beam laser
to see if it will help. Has anyone heard of this? I think its been in Canada for many years.

I am working a lot in concrete staining and sealing - seems I am headed that direction more and more. It is very satisfying, like painting on a concrete canvas, and very enduring.

sunny Sunday

its ( almost) too beautiful to blog.
I am headed outside after this post
to wash a car or two, since there is NO snow or rain in the forecast.
I will tell you later of
new clients, different church service, and a recent visit with Dr. Stihl.
I am blessed with good health, loving family and friends,
and joy in the midst of each challenging season of my life.
and the sailboat? its sitting at $7600.00 but was described by the marina personnel as a boat in a box. (translation: Much a$$embly required. )
I am staying a good distance away.

Lakeside

I think these are willows.
with the first fuzzy buds
telling me its near-to-spring.



the remains of last years"weeds" make a lovely dried arrangement in front of our ski slope mountains.

Too often I neglect to get out and appreciate my wonderful mountain valley. Not this week.

I also posted a picture or two here.
and MTR has a new post on Great Minds
Thank you for all your support.

a man is allowed two loves

I think that a man is allowed to love His chainsaw if he wishes to do so.
He may also love his dog or cat, and most certainly will love
the fine woman who cares for him and convinces him that he is
the most special man in the whole world or at least a close second.

I drove over the summit pass today, closer to the fire to help friends
prepare their property to make it more defensible if the Fire makes it that far.
from 7 this morning to 3pm I whacked at trees and bushes that were too thick, too tall and all a bit dead and dry. I really appreciated seeing this whole family; mom, dad, four sons work hard together all day to try to save their property and their business. I did not have a camera
but the picture is this: Familial love, unbounded and set against a terrible natural force.
it would make a great short story. I was honored to witness such a powerful bond between brothers, between mom and dad, between a family and the ladn they cared for and needed to exist. today was a beautiful day.
When I washed my hair the shower immediately smelled of wood smoke, my jeans are caked with sawdust mixed with oil and exhaust. my back and shoulders ache, but its a good feeling.
It is right to care, to do something to help. It is what neighbors do, here, anyway.

Congrats to Jayleigh and her hubby Rob, who took their first week at the new church, May God's blessings go before you and follow you as well!