break through, or break away.

pushing the reset button on me.
CLICK

nothing that has gone on the past several months must stop me from exploring
from discovering, from pushing myself to my limits in hope of exhausting me and finding the reservoir that comes from God, breaking through to the pipe of blessing, and letting Him and his wisdom flood my mind, body and heart.
Just as in the middle of a very dark night we do not long for the sunset that was, we long for the first light of dawn that precedes the sunrise that is coming. This is a dark place for me, but not nearly as bad as the prior places where my body and mind were at limits, and I found little in the reserve tank of my spirit. Each time I have hot a very low spot, God has been faithful to send His message, to equip messengers to bring to me a cup of refreshment, along with a candle's worth of light, just so that I could see my next step.
I walk on, but I do not walk alone.

next up

the hiking bug has bitten me badly and I have an opportunity
to do a favor for a friend, so I am climbing Mt. San Gorgonio
on Wednesday and Thursday.  I am very happy and excited for this trip.
It means I must work very hard tomorrow, get to sleep EARLY
and then leave my home before light on Wednesday
I like to hike in the cool part of the day.
It wil take all day to reach the top, and then come part way back down
to make camp, I will be sure to take pictures.
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers for myself and my family.

no time for Zeroes anymore

I used to have goose egg days when i figured the amount of value I had added to my life or to others was a ZERO. I am pretty sure that was just a mistaken notion and a fabrication of a depressed mental state that wanted a reason to beat up on myself. We all do that some, my family seemed better at it than some others. Dad was easy going, mom was hard, even on herself, and to this very day has not learned to relax the standard she has long held; that a day without WORK is a day of shame, a day thrown away, and one which should put you in fear of judgment from God, Himself, at your doorstep, with His divine clipboard of who did and who did not earn their right to breathe today.
I am like my dad in many of the good traits, and crazy is one of them. Crazy about the world around me, crazy when its raining outside ( or sunshining). I get crazy at the top of tall trees and on rooftops. I am crazy in love.
with the help of several good therapists I am appreciating myself and my unique gifts that I bring to this world, to my family and the gifts within that are private, for me alone to enjoy.
- - - - - Suffice it to say that I will always get to the end of each day and say, I did good today. I am worth a lot not because of WHAT I did so much as WHO I am and the spirit and love and joy that I possess and demonstrate in my daily life.

this is ( or will be) IT!

what I am building from a kit
and hoping to complete some time this year
God willing ( and work is not too pressing)

Pray for me, I need to really focus on SEVERAL things..... Huh HOW do you focus on several things?

goodbye Susan

it is so rare to get someone who can listen and understand, who can empathize and care deeply without taking over your life. it is such a comfort to know you can say anything and admit your deepest fears, and be completely safe and accepted. Such was the experience of being with Susan, my therapist, who is leaving her current job for a better one.
I am pleased and proud of the progress I have made while sitting on her couch and (more importantly) while outside the office the other 167 hours of the week. I am going to miss our talks, and her insight. I am going to honor the memory of her therapy by continuing to grow in love and acceptance of my unique self and the world that I live in.