Monday, April 20, 2009

baby you can drive my car

Not so long ago I was stuck
or was it my car? Stuck in a yard where less than an inch of snow had made the ground so soft and slick that I could not get traction and in my efforts to free my vehicle, it had sunk lower into the ruts in the silty clay. I had to call a tow truck ( no triple A card) to tow me thirty feet. Then I could move again on my own.
Later on, when I was restarting a relationship with a dear woman who probably knows me as well as anyone, the stuck in the mud illustration was useful.
It was not a healthy time in my life. Depression and a large dose of self pity and lethargy had my mental, emotional and physical tires spinning in the mud of life's low point, divorce.
I was not a wreck, I still had my beautiful children with me, and I always had my family ( of origin) cheering me when they could and helping in so many ways. I was not rolled over upside down and smashed beyond recognition ( like some cars I used to drive) but I was going nowhere just as surely as if I had no gas in the tank, or someone had taken the battery out.
The energy that was brought to this 'stuckness' by the best friend was very much like the tow truck. No doubt it was just what was needed, and so appreciated. She helped me get out of the simple ruts of daily despair and loss of vision, and onto a stable place where my own 'drive' was enough to move me a bit further down the road of life.
For that sort of help I will always be grateful. My life was changed and I moved on in respect to getting counseling, finding a diagnosis that fit as well as the quest for proper treatment and medication. Today I have less sad days, more sense of who I am and what I am about, and about nine years of various good and bad experiences to support the claim that "I am better now, than I have ever been".

The real lesson is this: Once the tow truck gets you to a safe place, it unhooks and you must resume driving yourself. No one looks sharp, or feels great going down the road, being propelled by another, and sitting there pretending to steer and work the pedals. Life is a contact sport.
When you get knocked about a bit it is alright to have some one set you upright. It is then your own privilege to continue on in a healthy way toward your goals.


phoenix said...

We all need gentle pushes every now and then. Glad you are feeling better about things. Hugs

colleen said...

Ah, David. Your tow truck is like my orange in the fruit bowl, a metaphor for truth telling. Thanks for your insight and supportive comments.

Amrita said...

Friends are for times like these David. They have been my tow trucks too. LOvely post.

Glad you enjoyed the lake.

Bob-kat said...

Very true and a great analogy. I can identify with this post having recently gone through divorce myself. Actually it was 2 years ago now that I received my decree absolute and I was stuck in the snow for quite a while between that and other troubles that appeared around the same time.

I am glad you had people to lift you up. Unfortunately my family turned their back on me and my friends are more used to leaning on me on the whole. I crashed big time though at least my wheels carried on spinning so I was able to maintain my exterior persona.

I was able to talk to one friend from time to time and this acted as the pressure release valve that stopped my car turning over before I too sought counselling (big stigma on that here in the UK so I have kept it to myself). Recovery is a long slow process. I know I am still going forward one step and two steps backwards sometimes. The important thing is that my car (to continue your analogy) is facing the right way and on the whole going forwards and gaining speed :)

Donetta said...

:) so true