Some one goes on a long holiday. Another moves several states away
A loved one dies after a good, long life. A friend does not return phone calls.
Someone you expected to spend your life with breaks the vow you made and takes him or herself away from you. They are missed and they are missing in our lives. What is that about?
I humbly admit that I am often the one who goes missing for one reason or another. I have caused pain and suffering by negligently or purposely becoming 'gone' from a situation or from a relationship. For many years I was gone due to drugs, for some it seemed I was gone due to my new devotion to God, (and the healing that He was doing in my life) and then I was REALLY gone when I married and moved to San Francisco. Some years after that I was gone in the hole that was called, separation, divorce, depression and survival. To most of my loved ones I have come back and hopefully had a chance to apologize for being away, for changing, and for making myself among the MISSING in their lives. If I have not done so, allow me to say, I am sorry that I dropped the communication ball, and I am back to make it better, now.
I wonder what it is that causes me to miss persons who are now gone from my life. It is a strange combination of longing for the things they did and said for me, and desire to fulfill what I think I was to do in their lives. One prominent example was Catherine, a kind and generous woman I shared parts of three years with. I miss a dozen things about her bright side and none of the darkness that haunted her soul. I miss the moments when she was clear and optimistic and the love she had for her children, but not the fear or pain that she lived with daily. I miss what I was trying to do in my naivety: bringing a method of recovery, an revolution in her self image, and a closer walk with her God to this beloved child, caught in a woman's complicated world. When I could not save, Jesus did, and that is why I can finally write about this because a year ago she succumbed to complications from surgery and long term alcohol addiction. I miss a lot of people in my life, and particularly my dear mother, Dorothy, but I trust that they are not missing me, safe in the loving care of Jesus, our Lord and only Savior.
Why do I miss you, once good friend of mine? Because you had a special gift inside you that I no longer get to share. Your love enhanced my being in a way no other could. I grieve, I recover, and I set out to be more present, and less missing in the lives of those I am still in contact with.