Saturday, December 13, 2008

sinking feeling

when I ask myself , Who am I? I can answer so many ways.
that is not what this post is about.

This morning, not an hour ago, my mom said;
"Let me ask you something, Who am I?"
she does not read here, so she will not know how
terribly frightening it is for me to hear that question.

I told her she was my mom.
it was the best answer I had, and we went on to describe her
in terms of her name, and the five children who love her, and
the ways we will reduce confusion, by staying in her house,
by not making changes, by giving her the best possible daily routines.

So now when I ask, "who is David?" the best answer may just be:
I am my mother's son, and that is all I need to be today.

I suffered a huge ( unrelated) loss last night, so I am reeling
and still in a bit of shock. I guess that as the wind blows
and the snow starts to fly, you will hear the sound of Dr. Stihl
helping me to drown out the screams of agony and the moans of desperation.

Bring on the storm, I am strong enough to take it.
Hit me with the hardest weather, I will survive
I am my mothers son, and I learned a lot from my dad.
It is time to stand and not waver.

5 comments:

d.challener roe said...

Hmmm....I'm not which is harder...answering that question about yourself, or about some one else...

NetChick sent me.

mw said...

I like the way you end this post - with a declaration of your strength. I appreciate that you post the struggles you are having. Each post answers the question of who you are a little bit more clearly, and from what I'm reading, I think you can be proud of the answer.

Take care...

Amrita said...

Dear David I know how it feels our elderly parents show these sign. My aunt (I was her 24/7 caregiver) passed away this June.
She had dementia. She had a sweet cheerful spirit but we had many trying times.

My Ma also gets confused and slow and nervous at times, it frightens me. i feel very lonely.

You are such a good and strong son.

I am so sorry for your loss David. Maythe Lord comfort you and restore it to you.

Chris said...

It's okay to scream in agony. It will just make you stronger. Let it out and it will be. Whatever your loss is, know that I am thinking of you right now, in this moment. God bless you David.

jayleigh said...

Amen my brother in Christ.

I don't know your troubles, but the Father does, and we're all in His hand. Bless you dear one.

Thanks for your prayers. Today was a good day for us.