Monday, May 22, 2006

Mundane monday mastication

You know what is hard?
what is hard is pouring so much of myself into this writing over a year,
and then pulling back and getting safely disconnected from it,
so I feel like it does not control me, Then really desiring to do some meaningful and soul baring writing and being constrained by good sense ( a rare commodity in my world) and a sense of wanting to protect the guilty.

I want to tell you about last weeks "Mega event" but I can't because I have my blog address out there on my business cards and I will not "dump" a lot of stuff that I am still processing, when the jury is still out on the matter, and there could be added repercussions if I go into much about what happened and why and how it has at first devastated and then strengthened me.
I hesitated to say devastated, thinking that word reserved for family loss, severe diagnosis of major illness, or finding out that your family was not related to the Queen of England. cq - that is for you!
So yes I was less than devastated, but more than upset by a very close tragedy and the attendant fallout, but I think I handled it quite well, using only a half a roll of duct tape to keep my primal scream from breaking windows. I retained some dignity and reigned in my evil desires to toilet paper several houses and plant fake ads in the local papers. I also worked and survived three long days of stomach ( spelled GASTRO) flu, and made some people happy with my work.
I visited my mom twice, and it helped, as always, to have a mom. for those of you reading who do not have your mom, I am sympathetic, and would loan you mine, but she is so busy with keeping track of the names of her five children, grandkids and great grandkids, I am not sure we could have her adopting you. Please go find a replacement mom, I think that would be a good place to start. Everyone needs a mom person to go to during weeks like the one I just exited.

Disclaimer: if you are from Big Bear, and you want to comment on what is said here, please do. If I find it is not going to be best for all I will moderate your comment into the trash - but I will have still have read it, and will happily converse by email privately but still will not give you the dirt, since this is a small town and I do seek to protect myself, my family and my friends.


DeeJay said...

I went to a different blog platform and created a blog for me to "vent" on. Even if nobody reads it, and they probably don't, I still get satisfaction for being able to get stuff off my chest.

phoenix said...

I think you just helped yourself by half-speaking of it. Why? Because as you chose your words so very carefully, you were also reliving the moment. By doing that you gave yourself some relief in an off handed way. Not quite sharing and not quite keeping the secret to yourself. I hope this makes a little sense. It is almost too early for me to play at couch doctor :P


Snaggle Tooth said...

There's lotsa sensitive materials I won't air for similar reasons... mostly to do with the job-environment n not gettin a better job someday if I do vent the aggrivation of it all. (That stuff's reserved for a little, unmarked, hand-written notebook, which can choose to have pages torn out n burned if needed...)