Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Happy Sad

It's not like a ping pong ball going back and forth.
It's more like a planet going in and out of shadow.

I am being eclipsed by a sad mood, a dark season
and a time of weight that is covering my normal(?) happiness
light heart, and creativity.

I have some sense of core issues that cause the light to fail to reach me.
I know what mistakes I have made and how blind I am to the solutions.
When I look for a door, I see a brick wall, when I reach for a window it has bars on it.
I smell the fresh air outside but can only imagine what the free people are doing today, what it's like to not have a straight jacket on, and a leaden soul.

Here is what I know.
I know you care - so many people do.
I know this is not forever nor is it a fatal disease.
I know I would never hurt myself or any other person.
Sadly I also know that my fantasy of someone or something other than myself being the solution is just a fantasy, a dream that dies a thousand deaths, but rises yet again.

At least I can write, if not very well.