Thursday, August 25, 2005

Showdown up high!

I was face to face with the EVIL critters.
I was there to throw them out and they were
acting like I was the intruder.
I had them when it came to tools, I brought my 32 foot extension ladder,
( never mind that they don't need one)
I had my cordless screw gun, which proved worthless,
I had a flashlight so I could see in the dark just like they can.
I brought out my Skilsaw, tool bags and some plywood.
They showed me their sharp teeth and claws and said "we go wherever the hell we want".
Indeed it seemed like they had been going wherever they wanted because the corner of the roof was a veritable latrine, without the toilet paper.
What barbarians!
The inhumanty of it all!
The poopiness!
The sheer filth that they spewed, it was worse that an MTV awards show!

Anyway - I boarded up the space where they were crawling into the eaves,
and chased them all over the property because I could.
I set a Havahart trap baited with my irresisitable PB&J sangwhich.
I watched some of the Dodgers losing to the Rockies.
Waited for the trap to catch me something snarling and nasty,
pure rage in a fur coat, ( no not your Ex wife!)
Twice the door went down, and twice the beast escaped, the second time with half of my sandwich bait. I was hungry, should I chance the beast eating this yummy snack or should I go for it? but then how would I get out of the trap? I was smarter than the lowly animal, and resisted the temptation ( only until I got home). He was already home and he will hopefully find my offering so irresistable that when I return in the morning, he or she will be waiting for me.
If not I will bring out bigger tools and more clever tactics.
"Oh no, Mr. Bill not the steam roller!"
Hmm, racoon rugs????

5 comments:

Joe said...

Racoon rugs! What a great idea. You could sell them and make ...come to think of it, probably not so much.

Heather said...

How 'bout slippers? Keep your toes nice and cozy all winter long.

Bar Bar A said...

You better not hurt those poor sweet little racoons :)

Jayleigh said...

OOOohh good narrative, D! You rock my blogging brotha! WOO HOO!

Nettie said...

Just make sure there's no peanut butter stuck in the rugs. That wouldn't be appealing.