Sugarloaf Mountain

time away

2012-01-23T15:40:00.000-08:00

i just need a week
OFF
AWAY
to relax
explore
and have fun

thanks for understanding

Learning so much!

2012-01-09T12:23:00.000-08:00

Thank God that i remain young enough to learn.
in the past few months I have learned so much about myself and others.
No BIG BANG revelations have hit me ( like the old helicopter dream)
but plenty of simple MOMENTARY eye openings that make me glad I am alive and not in a stupor.
1. The discipline of listening: and to really hear what is being communicated. So important

2. The value of my time, which if invested wisely produces eternal returns.
balancing that thought is that my 'young man' part of my person needs to have his time too, and the value of that is no less. In short, I am finding a desire to balance.

3. Missing an elder to watch over me, I have desire to spend time with my mom's siblings, and to see in them, the refection of their sister, my mom. My eyes are seeing in a new way.

4. the joy AND responsibility of freedom. I am not free for no reason, no free person is! to have great liberty means we must use it for a good cause. God help me here.

365 days of blessings

2011-12-31T16:09:00.001-08:00

i have loved living this past year,
and felt a bit like I was dying at times
but a new day is upon us,
and i will make the most of it
you can be sure of that.

Happy New year to all

Lovely

2011-12-27T09:19:00.001-08:00

Turning a calendar page ( almost )

2011-12-22T14:58:00.000-08:00

when the going gets tough, the tough go visiting.... relatives
but they will toss me out after a day or two and I will be back to Big Bear
and the VERY cold temps and snow on the ground. No idea what I will do for the week in between holidays
but I will visit the tree where mom and dad's ashes are buried, and I will drink a bit of eggnog
i will pray and read the Christmas story, I will give thanks for mt friends and family and a very good year.

winter planning

2011-12-10T06:32:00.000-08:00

this blog has been quiet since i have been working away from home,
doing a very intensive project, and a bit of self examination.
I am challenging myself to stretch in faith toward my next goal
which includes some schooling and some funding.
God knows what I need before I ask,
and He is gracious and ever so generous,
Pray for me as I get ready to take these next steps.

long ago

2011-12-06T12:00:00.000-08:00

but in a dad's mind, seems like yesterday

I hesitate to start

2011-12-04T05:37:00.000-08:00

i hesitated at starting this post with "normally" because then it becomes a paragraph of me explaining what that means in my world.

Here are examples of what i might have written:

Normally i do not make big changes going into winter...but
Normally its almost light out when i get up. not today
Normally on a given Sunday i will fellowship with my friends in Big Bear Lake, but since i am working and staying in Redlands for a good sized work project ( commuting would be 120 miles round trip) I will seek a church here which is different, not similar to my home fellowship. The purpose of the difference is that i know that many of my brothers and sisters worship in ways that are quite different from what I am accustomed to. I seek out that uniqueness today, and wish to have some time to reflect on what God is saying to me. He has no limits on where He addresses me or whom He uses to bring the good news.
normally i do not need google to find my church on Sunday.....
but i am far from what the rest of man calls normal., but I am very happy.

terrific puppets - better message

2011-12-01T22:34:00.000-08:00

two pictures

2011-11-30T08:20:00.000-08:00

I visited Cambria and Moonstone beach this weekend.

then later spent a little time at the mission San Miguel. a very purposeful and peace filled trip.

No doubt that God is ordering my footsteps and even the tracks of my cars tires.

Here are: wood and rocks

plaster and wooded benches

each beautiful in their own way

Last year was different - Diary of a care giver

2011-11-23T07:00:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving last year was different.
I will welcome the noise and crowd and the laughter now,
in contrast to the quiet that we had last year with mom, Debi and I.
When it was clear that mom could not travel and that a large gathering here would not be a good idea we ( I guess it was me) decided to let it go. Some things have to be let go, when they no longer are feasible.
Thankfully these things become evident, plain, easy to discern over time. I can not account for the increase in wisdom regarding mom except to say that it was a gift from God, for that time, coupled with a long period of observation and inquiry. The gift came in many beautifully wrapped packages, helpful people, books, visits, and random thoughts in the late night or early morning hours. I am glad for a good brain and vow to keep it alive as long as I can, in the same way that mom did. She fought against aging and the loss of some of her memory. I fought it too, with supplements and diet that were healthy, with new experiences that she could enjoy, and by letting as many old friend visitors come by as possible, not worrying if mom would recall their names, she always remembered their faces and the voices.

We made a small dinner last Thanksgiving, but we enjoyed it much. We were thankful that in August we had camped at the beach in Ventura, that mom had gone sailing with me on my 55th birthday in her 91st summer! The next month we took her to a local campground and enjoyed the sounds of the wind in the pines, the amazing views as we rode the chair lift to the summit and ate lunch. Floating through the trees on the way back down we had views of our beautiful valley and sparkling blue lake that were priceless. We had each other, we had the day, the moment. it was enough.
The challenges to come were yet unrevealed, but all knew that the caring would get us through, that the loving was glue enough to help us to accomplish what we needed, or on days when it was just about waiting, that we could wait in faith, with hope for it was not the end which was near, but a new beginning. A new beginning for mom, to be sure, but also a change of great proportion for all of us in the family and circle of friends. We had to begin again, finding out who we were now, that mom was beyond our reach, our care. No longer would we bend to hug her, but would we do the same for another? We did not have to strain to understand what she wanted, could we do that for a clear spoken friend or brother? I did not have to slow my pace to match hers on the walks up the street, but I will need to find a pace that matches whomever I am walking with, for I do not want, always, to walk alone.

Advice to myself on a Monday.

2011-11-21T13:59:00.000-08:00

do not be the same old crazy David,
resolve to be a totally new kind of crazy!

give up old thoughts and memories that are not helping
strive to think new thoughts and build new healthy experiences into my life

Feel, but then recover from those feelings
delve deep into your soul, but come up for air
Give the best of yourself to each situation and person you are with.
Rejoice in all things, for Joy is the antidote to pain.

Enough pain has been shared, reviewed, and dissected.
Have the 'end of this' ceremony, out in the woods
and make a clean start.

Heavenly

2011-11-20T22:33:00.000-08:00

church was inspiring and oh so real today
I wish it was on video or podcast so we could all hear it
but I will tell you about it, maybe tomorrow

poem

2011-11-17T09:25:00.000-08:00

on the importance of TIME

finding Time
to be my friend
learning not to rush anymore
or throw it away
Giving generously of mine
taking sparingly of yours
and of the essence of life it holds

Living in the mind of the free
and the heart of the brave
Time is not money
do not believe that
Time is worth much more than that
Time is what life is made of
enjoy it

allowing myself:

2011-11-16T08:01:00.000-08:00

Full freedom, to feel, to think, to say things I might have held in before.
That is my November gift to myself.
I need to feel so that what goes on inside me is not lost or wasted. Feeling alone, or feeling pain is not pleasant, nor to be sought out, but once it is a reality, I can derive benefit from it by not covering it, not ignoring the sensation, nor drowning it in food or drink. Feeling out of balance, without a 'partner', just flying solo through the day, not a lot of contact, I end up talking to myself more. Hopefully i will ask myself hard questions and give myself good answers!
You probably know that most self talk has a fair dose of illusion in it. A man looking in the mirror is more likely to say how good he looks and how his hair is not thinning. This man is no different. My hope is that I have once again the chance to compare myself not just to others, but to my own ideals, principles and beliefs. Am I true to me? Where I find I am not, am I willing to make the changes, the sacrifices that will move me in a better, more healthy direction? Isn't that what we all want ( in others), authenticity? then we should desire it in ourselves, and work at it, even if it is a life long process. So it is work. I will hammer away at it until I have a product that I am pleased with.

never a blank page

2011-11-15T07:24:00.000-08:00

writing online has ( for me) great benefits.
One is that I never lose the papers that I had to store, move, protect from the elements,etc.
the bigger advantage is in editing. without wasting paper I can write whatever I want and come back later to correct it, enhance it or delete it altogether.
another is that if i decide to write something too personal, or that may be strange, offensive or out of character I can just save is as a draft, and you do not have to read it.
Why the heck would I write something offensive? I am practicing all sorts of writing and some of it has become intensely personal, and even though I was an Altar server, i was never a choir boy, if you know what I mean. the life of crime stuff does not always edify the reader, so when it gets messy, i do not publish to the web, but store it for my own therapeutic use later on. There are some who have read my harder pieces and given me good feedback, I am especially grateful to them.
Today I will unveil this small bit of the secret me:
I am not done growing yet.
Many things that were apart of me, are no more. Somethings that I had not ever been. still are yet to come. All these changes, both large and small show me that I am alive in spirit, and living in an exciting and changing world, where my faith is tested, made more strong and where God trusts me enough to give me liberty. He knows that I will always come round to His love, and to His divine point of view. For God's love and for His patience I am ever thankful.
What are you thankful for this day?

Ch ch ch changes

2011-11-12T08:06:00.000-08:00

I should be used to change, by now, having been through a dozen or so since my separation and divorce which started in 1995 and was official in 1999 or 2000, (I don' t recall exactly when).
Of course before that were thousands of changes, and somehow I adapted to and even embraced them. I am glad for change, it prevents stagnation. Newness can come with increased possibilities, of course to get the something new, you have to leave some of the old behind. Maybe THAT is what I am having trouble with? So I have a newly empty house, and the freedom to keep it, and enjoy it as I see fit. It used to shelter my mother, but she has a better dwelling now. For the summer months it housed my son and his wife and my youngest, Hannah, while on break from college. Now its just me and the dog. I thank God for the dog, Scooter, as he takes me for walks, shows great interest in what I am cooking, and is always close by when its time for bed.
Change now will include more writing time, more reading time, and plenty of steady work. One big change that I really enjoyed was taking to the high sierra and backpacking for most of a week. Living alone there was alright, because I was on a mission, to walk 60 miles over two passes and conquer Mt. Whitney. It is the highest in the lower 48 states at 14,496 feet above sea level, almost 2.8 miles high! Much about me changed in readying for the hike and during that week. I lost fat, gained muscle and dropped 20 lbs in a month. I also changed internally, and could hear God better in the quiet of the wilderness. I also talked to Him more, since I could not sleep well. I guess I had plenty of time to talk to myself, and tried not to repeat myself too often with silliness like just put one foot in front of the other. On the final day I found a pair of phrases I needed and repeated them as I climbed up past 12 and even 13,000 feet. " I have everything I need" was true in every sense, mental, physical and emotional. It is simply, my thanks for divine provision ( Jer 29:11) The other phrase that came to mind was "Nothing hinders me" and it became true, step by step as I managed to reach the trail junction at 13,400 feet where I could drop my pack. Now 40 lbs lighter, I knew for sure that nothing could hinder me from reaching the summit. More about that later. for now, I bless you with these words, "you have everything you need, and nothing hinders you" Go and prove it to yourself.

2011-11-09T07:28:00.000-08:00

I am working ( i say to myself even as I sit at this keyboard)
Work has become life and life has become work.
I have stopped unhealthy associations with work as unpleasant,
something we only do for others, or for pay. Work is no longer just physical,
it can be emotional, relational, and spiritual as well.
Some days when I bake bread or make soup, I consider it play, relaxing, decompressing! but the fact is that kneading bread dough is work, just as is kneading muscle tissue when I am giving a massage. Cleaning up the mess after a construction project and cleaning the kitchen floor are both valuable to me and both worth doing well. I am working at seeing worth in all I do, and in the efforts of others.
A lot of time when I write, or create poems it just flies off my fingers, and other times it is more laborious. Either way I want my work to be pleasing to God and to those intended to read, enjoy, apply the words I get down into their day or their lives. Once long ago a blog friend, reminded me of my own testimony here, quoted it back to me, and made me see that truth was still true, even though I was not feeling as strong, several moths later. Her words WORKED.

simple thoughts

2011-11-06T20:06:00.000-08:00

as I was worshiping this morning the thought of wealth and riches occurred to me.
I am rich, for what I have no man can buy. No billionaire, nor the Saudi princes with all their treasure can purchase what I have been given freely.
I am secure because no man ( or life event) can take it away from me.

I have been given three great gifts,
Complete forgiveness for all my sins.
The assurance of life everlasting in the presence of God.
The responsibility to ask others to come along on this glorious path of life in Christ.

No wonder I rejoice, I dance, I fall to my knees in His presence.
I am humbled and lifted high by the same gentle hand of a holy God.
No longer do I try to gain by my own works, I fully depend on Him for my worth
and rely on His strength working in me to accomplish what he wishes.

All praise goes to the Lord of Hosts, King of kings, and savior of my soul.

why do we miss people?

2011-11-05T08:21:00.000-07:00

Some one goes on a long holiday. Another moves several states away
A loved one dies after a good, long life. A friend does not return phone calls.
Someone you expected to spend your life with breaks the vow you made and takes him or herself away from you. They are missed and they are missing in our lives. What is that about?
I humbly admit that I am often the one who goes missing for one reason or another. I have caused pain and suffering by negligently or purposely becoming 'gone' from a situation or from a relationship. For many years I was gone due to drugs, for some it seemed I was gone due to my new devotion to God, (and the healing that He was doing in my life) and then I was REALLY gone when I married and moved to San Francisco. Some years after that I was gone in the hole that was called, separation, divorce, depression and survival. To most of my loved ones I have come back and hopefully had a chance to apologize for being away, for changing, and for making myself among the MISSING in their lives. If I have not done so, allow me to say, I am sorry that I dropped the communication ball, and I am back to make it better, now.
I wonder what it is that causes me to miss persons who are now gone from my life. It is a strange combination of longing for the things they did and said for me, and desire to fulfill what I think I was to do in their lives. One prominent example was Catherine, a kind and generous woman I shared parts of three years with. I miss a dozen things about her bright side and none of the darkness that haunted her soul. I miss the moments when she was clear and optimistic and the love she had for her children, but not the fear or pain that she lived with daily. I miss what I was trying to do in my naivety: bringing a method of recovery, an revolution in her self image, and a closer walk with her God to this beloved child, caught in a woman's complicated world. When I could not save, Jesus did, and that is why I can finally write about this because a year ago she succumbed to complications from surgery and long term alcohol addiction. I miss a lot of people in my life, and particularly my dear mother, Dorothy, but I trust that they are not missing me, safe in the loving care of Jesus, our Lord and only Savior.
Why do I miss you, once good friend of mine? Because you had a special gift inside you that I no longer get to share. Your love enhanced my being in a way no other could. I grieve, I recover, and I set out to be more present, and less missing in the lives of those I am still in contact with.

windy with a chance of falling tree limbs

2011-11-04T07:17:00.000-07:00

Big stuff blowing out of the North, shaking what is left of the oak tree leaves , to see who is stuck tight, and who is ready to blow into the neighbors yard.
When the wind blows, what is your reaction, usually to hide inside or at least behind something stable, protective. Probably a smart move, but some days I like to bundle up and go face to face with the gusts. It is my way of saying, " Winter I know you are tough up here on the mountain, but I am just as tough".
So i think i will leash up the dog and take a walk out in the forest, to listen to the wind and to talk back a bit. Even if God is not in the wind, perhaps he will whisper to me.

what can we say ?

2011-11-02T19:24:00.000-07:00

took a short walk in to Deep creek hot springs
and after a very interesting day, took the
MUCH LONGER hike up and out of the canyon back to the car.
It was awesome to see such a beautiful stream carving through the foothills above the desert
and to see HOT water flowing from the rocks. People had made pools by bringing in cement and using that to form deeper rock pools for soaking. Some people forgot their bathing suits, but I did not mind much. After soaking for a while, and having a picnic, my friend and I relaxed in the sun, clothed, and listened to the sounds of nature, interrupted only by the chatter of our Korean friends, one of whom played Amazing Grace on his harmonica. It was a truly beautiful day in every way.

off

2011-11-01T06:22:00.000-07:00

taking off to do some hiking, some exploring, some
building of friendship and
talking to God in the wild places He has created.
Thank God for November, October was a LONG month
not altogether sad, but complicated.
I have held my own memorial
for a relationship now gone,
and I am upward bound,
listening to the voice of the Lord, on the heights

several blessings

2011-10-28T06:10:00.000-07:00

It has been said that it is good to count your blessings.
Can I make it to 100? Perhaps, but that might be ambitious, or would bore, or could lead me toward pride or vain imagination:

I have great health, all of what I need to work, works!
Love has been no stranger to me
Loss only visits once in a while and does not stay long
Mom is gone, but her memory is always nearby and a pleasant one
Dad lives on in my hands, and now my feet, most of all my heart
There are abundant places to be alone, and comfortable peace is waiting there
When I work, my heart works with me, hardly any drudgery
Relaxing is natural, anxiety is a foreign agent, not allowed in this country
Physical pain is very minimal and with a good therapist, relief is only an hour away.
Freedom is showing up everywhere:
   I am freed from caring (daily) for mom.
   Free from self delusion, depression and despair
   Free from 20 extra pounds that had slowed me down
   Ready to walk through the mountains, which is almost free vacationing
   I live free in America which is still the greatest country in the world

See? I could go on and on, but I must write someting else some where else,
so I bid you GOOD good day, and ask, 'What are you thankful for?'

break through, or break away.

2011-10-27T10:07:00.000-07:00

pushing the reset button on me.
CLICK

nothing that has gone on the past several months must stop me from exploring
from discovering, from pushing myself to my limits in hope of exhausting me and finding the reservoir that comes from God, breaking through to the pipe of blessing, and letting Him and his wisdom flood my mind, body and heart.
Just as in the middle of a very dark night we do not long for the sunset that was, we long for the first light of dawn that precedes the sunrise that is coming. This is a dark place for me, but not nearly as bad as the prior places where my body and mind were at limits, and I found little in the reserve tank of my spirit. Each time I have hot a very low spot, God has been faithful to send His message, to equip messengers to bring to me a cup of refreshment, along with a candle's worth of light, just so that I could see my next step.
I walk on, but I do not walk alone.

Can I look into my soul?

2011-10-26T06:25:00.000-07:00

Can I look deep within and see what is there?
When talking to a friend, or a love, or a family member
how do we comunicate trust, honesty, sincerity ?
Perhaps most of all by our eyes.
"Look me in the eye" was a common way for a father to get the truth from a son or daughter that was trying to hide something.
Looking in the eyes is a daring act, that some cultures do not value,
or do not use.
Every day we look at ourselves in a mirror, but do we look inside, at the person behind the pupils, do we seek to know ourselves on a deeper level?
I am suggesting this as an exercise, based on the poem 'man in the mirror', sent to me many years ago by a good friend who I respect. If I can trust the man looking back at me, then others can too. If I can not trust him whose reflection is there when I comb my hair, the all others should beware.
If I can lie to myself, how will I know the truth to speak it to others?
So today, instead of looking to see if my hair is just right ( fat chance) or if I shaved every spot on my chin, i will look deep, and see if I like the person within. When I am done drying the fog off the mirror I will not look to see if I have done a good job with the glass, I will look to see if the work my father set out to do, to raise bright and caring and truthful young men into adults, has been a success.
I seek to know you, when I look in your eyes, and to allow myself to be known. I want whoever knows me to know the real me, the truth about me.

light through the trees

2011-10-24T07:56:00.000-07:00

terrible picture, good post starter. ready set WRITE!

light comes filtering in through the dense forest and is a welcome change from the treeless plains that dominated the landscape since crossing Forester Pass ( 13,200' above sea level) earlier in the day. Now instead of walking on racks and hard gravel the trail is scattered with pine duff, and there are mossy, fern like smells in the air. The downhill is still serious business with a 40 lb pack pushing me, but the idea of camp, fire and dinner shines through any tiredness just as the sun beams filter through the branches that almost block out the sky. I am in love, with me, with God, with the forest animals and with the few travelers that share the trail. I hug people I do not know, and talk in my head and sometimes aloud with my inner child, allowing that it is he that needed this hike in order to show me the lessons again of simplicity, of purity, and of devotion. In the valley of ferns, on the meadow of a million grasses, by the streams of crystal clear water flows that life force that I have been looking for, and as surely as the drop of water from the last summer snow field makes it down, and down and down to the ocean, so will my journey be completed. I yield myself to the order that I find, I lay myself on the place of humility, knowing for certain that in this huge place I am very small. I take comfort that it is no effort for my God of infinite knowledge to know where I am when the light fades, the stars fill the sky and the only sound is of my breathing. I am not alone, nor will I ever be.

great family

2011-10-22T06:39:00.000-07:00

my brother Rick at his wedding to Susie, my sisters, my kids, my sweetie, and my dog.

My dad's

2011-10-21T08:06:00.000-07:00

these belong to my dad. in the pouch are two of his Boy Scout medals. His love for scouting
was passed on to me, and now I have these as a fine memento of our days together, camping, hiking, and learning together. we learned this oath and recited it often:
On my honor, I will do my best
To do my duty to God and my Country and to obey the Scout Law;
To help other people at all times;
To keep myself physically strong, mentally awake, and morally straight.

Triumph in the trees

2011-10-15T12:07:00.000-07:00

from my trip to Sequoia with my mom, summer 2010
-----------------------------------------------------------
I am walking briskly, breathing deeply and can feel my pulse is going at a pretty good rate of
maybe two beats per second. I practice what I learned from Susan Powter about breathing, forcing in and out too much air, so that I can burn as many calories as possible.
I am not out for my health or for fitness, I realize that if I finish this walk today, as planned, I will probably be hurting in a lot of places.
I am about a destination, for now, over five miles away and two thousand feet higher. it is a lot to do in a short time, but I have forgotten, conveniently, how out of shape I may be. I have chosen to imagine that I can do all things because I want to do them. I have rolled the dice and figured that IF I can get to the top of this trail I will have enough strength and endurance to get back down in time for dinner.
I wriggled myself out of a warm sleeping bag at about six, and slurped one strong cup of coffee and put my lunch and a few other items in a sack with a couple quarts of water. I hit the trail at a quarter to seven with plenty of light in the sky, but no sun on the tree tops yet.

( my starting place is Lodge Pole campground in Sequoia National park at 6600 feet elevation, or 2011 meters in Canadian - no drugs were involved other that over the counter Naproxene. )

In a few minutes I will have an experience that changes not WHO I am, or What I am, but seems to alter HOW I am, and how I fit into my world. It is something I was not seeking because I did not know it existed. I did not think to look for something buried inside of me to set me free, since I thought that a teaching or practice or discipline outside of me would have to be learned, gained or embraced to find this thing for which I do not yet have a name.
( I will temporarily name it the Z factor.)

my journey

2011-10-15T12:04:00.000-07:00

Ok, I get it.
you should too.

yet i know that a moment like I had this very morning comes to each of us in time... Their time

I can hardly explain it, much less give you the directions or GPS coordinates to finding the place where life comes into focus and the voices of the wind, and surf and wildlife all speak the same message. It must be different for each according to their needs and their place in life's cycle. Here is a small piece of what is being heard by my innermost man: You are alright, safe and sound. Nothing that went before and nothing that comes after this moment is

(found unfinished in drafts)

the circle game

2011-10-13T06:56:00.000-07:00

my life has run in cycles
a revolving of people, places and time.
I have seen here how I get motivated, moving and growing
and then later how I am wandering again. and then another change comes!

Nothing could ever move me like the decline and death of my mom
but in all that I was serving, and being served by some of the best of God's servants.

After mom passed into the arms of Jesus
I had a rebirth of optimism, a sense of great freedom
and a rise in my productivity and creativity that was HUGE.
I was so glad to serve my family and her during that time that i did not count what it was costing me. It was a mission. Ordained for me to accomplish, and meant to change my selfishness and short sightedness forever. God is still using that experience to mold me and make me. He is the potter, I am the clay.

next up

2011-10-10T20:55:00.000-07:00

the hiking bug has bitten me badly and I have an opportunity
to do a favor for a friend, so I am climbing Mt. San Gorgonio
on Wednesday and Thursday. I am very happy and excited for this trip.
It means I must work very hard tomorrow, get to sleep EARLY
and then leave my home before light on Wednesday
I like to hike in the cool part of the day.
It wil take all day to reach the top, and then come part way back down
to make camp, I will be sure to take pictures.
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers for myself and my family.

some thoughts

2011-10-10T12:53:00.000-07:00

Mom's passing was to me, like a slow motion winter sunset into a calm vast ocean.
The brightness was gone, fading to a glimmer and as the intensity went down the subtleties of light and dark began to play on the screen that is the sky. as the changes came we had to look for them, appreciate them, cement them in our memories so that when it was dark and cold we would know that we had gotten every bit of that last great light show.

our eyes could not see what was really happening, and that is where faith in God and His word come to repair our poor vision.
we live in the now, and see only what is here, yet we long for and dream of what is there, beyond the horizon of life's span.
God's messengers have brought us a great gift and we will be advised not just to own a copy, but to open it. We need to be sure of who we are in Him, and sure of what we believe. We must test His promises to know that He is still the rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

Mom's life of faith taught me to respect these abiding principles: Perseverance, peace, patience and praise.

Psalm 34:1 "I will extol the Lord at all times, His praise will always be on my lips."

Perseverance sounds something like this from the apostle Paul:
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. "
2 Corinthians 4:16

Patience is not an easy virtue to achieve, but mom was patient with those around her.
Psalm 40: 1 " I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry."

Make peace within yourself. Calm the storms of anxiety and doubt by not relying on your own strength or cleverness.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

trail

2011-10-07T11:20:00.000-07:00

to walk a trail is a commitment
once begun, it has a place to take you and a story to tell.
none of it is likely to be easy
the reward is bound to be great
all I have to do
is walk it

day three

2011-10-04T19:43:00.000-07:00

hiking up the canyon toward Forester pass.
I feel good, refreshed, and able to plan my trip in any way that works from day to day.

from way on high

2011-10-03T16:02:00.000-07:00

from all the way up there
to down here
my ego takes a tumble
thought i was a shining star
seems i need to be more humble
I cant rescue myself
( i need God.)
much less anyone else.
my work is good, as it should be
i give a lot and get even more
when people send their friends
with more requests, knocking on my door

my hands long to serve my God
with projects small or large
for now part of all I have belongs to Him
and all of who I am is His.

my humble camp

2011-09-29T19:50:00.000-07:00

in vidette meadow, you can be all alone.
once in a while hikers come through, but I saw more deer than humans

resting place

2011-09-28T20:40:00.000-07:00

Vidette Meadow in Sequoia National Park
is where I spent a long morning, visited with some deer,
Had a bath, and celebrated the goodness that is my family.
Hiking solo seems to be the way for me.
Lots of quiet and time to think, pray and listen.

it is well with my soul

2011-09-28T09:47:00.000-07:00

feeling a bit strange in a TOWN.
having a lot of work and household things to take care of
moving a lot of J U N K out of storage,

and testing myself, to see if I am true to the One I call Father.

Joseph with his trophy

2011-09-26T07:28:00.000-07:00

give a man a fish, he can eat,

give a man a piece of fishing line and a dry fly,

he can smile from ear to ear.

Congratulations to Joe and his beautiful dinner.

second big pass to get over

2011-09-23T19:30:00.000-07:00

e
each day the goals that i set and accomplished grew in distance, climb and energy required. God enabled me to go further, do more and finish strong on this great walk along the John Muir trail. Hiking over this height is easier if one is willing to camp the night before on a treeless flat that is 11,200 feet above sea level, and considerably colder than he lower, forested camp sites. i crossed a small snow field getting to forester pass.

back from hiking

2011-09-23T17:33:00.000-07:00

I have had a wonderful and life enhancing trip to the eastern sierras and to Mt. Whitney
I feel energized, purified and re-purposed.
Please bring on more great challenges and summits for me to climb
( but wait until this soreness goes away)
Thank you to many who prayed for my health and safety.
I rejoice at all the good gifts God has given me, including, of course, YOU!

becoming thoughtful

2011-09-15T08:25:00.000-07:00

father in heaven never forgets us
neither will we ever forget all His goodness and mercy to us

top of my world - - - - 1969

2011-09-12T23:08:00.000-07:00

boy scouts of troop 123 stand atop Mt. Whitney at 14,496 feet elevation.

at 9000 feet

2011-09-04T09:27:00.000-07:00

tiny, yet beautiful flowers bloom where they are planted by their loving creator.
We can do the same.

mementos

2011-09-01T20:20:00.000-07:00

some things that Hannah had in her room years ago, her room now is in Heidelberg Germany for the next four months. Would you pray for her success and safety. Her music and her smile are precious gifts.

dreams my father could not afford

2011-08-28T09:06:00.000-07:00

Can you imagine how different things were in 1978 when R.L. Schmidt, Sr. was surprised by a blacking out of his vision and the ending of his conscious life on this earth? His world up until then is unrecognizable today.
How many things we accepted as the norm then are gone now. So many things that did not exist have come into being! The populated world in this western hemisphere is nearly unrecognizable to 1978 eyes, and in some ways is becoming less acceptable, or less attractive to mine as well. My refuge here in the mountains is a blend of new and old, so I feel a bit sheltered from the human caused chaos that seems so prevalent at lower elevations.
Some days and mostly on weekends, these mountains are filled with more people and more cars, more noise than I am accustomed to. The good news is that there is still space, mostly empty and unspoiled just a hundred paces from the end of most roads, and reserved for hose with sturdy shoes and strong hearts.
The really good news is that I will walk in the woods today, and celebrate my father's kind of world, with bird songs, the snapping of twig under foot and the whisper of a breeze coming through the pines. In walking I will prepare my legs and lungs for the hiking and climbing that is before me, and that takes me back to when and where we walked together on dusty trails to green meadows, over rock-strewn passes that challenged our physical bodies, passed vistas that we had no words to describe.
When I walk with a pack on my back through stands of pines I do not have to think about or recall my father, I simply become him, because he in fact lives on in me, not only in the genetic ( DNA ) sense but in the words, the values and in the gifts he gave us that never faded, never tarnished and never lost their worth.
Thank you to the father of all, for the gift of life and the gifts that only families give. Thank you for the wild places and the freedom we feel when surrounded by the purity of creation. Forgive us for not seeing the truth and beauty that we are, and that we belong to. Teach us not to sin against you or each other by neglecting the gifts of faith, family and forest.

higher trails

2011-08-23T10:21:00.000-07:00

i need to go back to my teens
when I followed men up trails away from asphalt
and away from phones, up into forest thick
and streams running clear

I feel the pull of high places, uncrowded spaces
lacking nothng, but wanting more
i will walk a dusty trail, wade a shallow stream
and go back to the days of Tang and powdered eggs
back to empty canteens but full vistas of monolithic granite
I will retrace the steps of my fathers best days
and give to myself the gift of a thousand moments full of grandeur

Today begins my plan and packing. within a month i shall be ready
to walk for a week in the company of small trees and giant rocks
to revel in the blending of my past and present
to recreate, and to regenerate.
if another strong soul wants to walk along, I welcome that.

one big tree

2011-08-01T12:14:00.000-07:00

s
something much bigger than we are
much older than we are
solid and comforting in its imensity
reassuring in its longevity
a fine place to rest
and to remember

music on a summer night

2011-07-25T23:44:00.000-07:00

mozart in the hollywood bowl

i need more

2011-07-14T08:20:00.000-07:00

i need more of my own resilience more of gut-level determination and spark, to get done with some of the overdue tasks that have been slipping by in the past months and years.
I also need abundant wisdom ( that I truly believe God will give me if I stay open to Him) for daily decisions and small things that if handled now will make for a better tomorrow
it is times like these that make me appreciate my own father, and want to tap into the lessons he taught me.
He has been gone 33 years, and , yes, that leaves me feeling a little cheated. however in the 23 years i had him as my earthly father he guided me well. i will honor him and my heavenly father by making the best of these days and weeks ahead. i am having a good summer with my own growing family
( two sons plus two daughters-in- law, and my own sweet hannah)

"Teach me, dear Lord to appreciate each one, as you do, and to love them better than I have in the past"

Best things

2011-06-19T09:30:00.000-07:00

     Some of the very best things about my father, Robert L. Schmidt Sr. have come through in me in the last half of my life when he was not here.
     His love for gardening; flowers, trees, and feeding birds. These are among the small things. His personality was complex and subtle, but easy to enjoy. His concern for his children and his spouse manifested in hard work, plenty of play time, and a beautiful sense of humor.
     He had no dad to learn from, no one to guide him through his transition from boy to man, but he did have the boy scouts, and they taught him many things he wanted me to learn. To scouting we took, like a fish to water, and in it we found camaraderie of others, challenges to our physical and mental strengths, and a place to grow in our love of the outdoors and our love for each other.
     We climbed the tallest mountain in the contiguous United States together, we spent a week at a time living in the sierras from just what we carried on our backs. we built, and planted, and planned and celebrated the creativity and silliness that we both possessed. I hope that I was as good for him as he was for me. He urged me to finish strong, by getting my eagle scout rank, and I did, perhaps mostly for him ( he had missed his by a few merit badges). I look at that medal now, and know that I made him proud, and that I did something worth doing, and that it changed me for the better.
Thank you, father, for the path you led us on, and for letting us go on beyond where you could not accompany us, knowing that we were well trained and well equipped. It has been an amazing journey and when I look down at my hands doing, or my feet hiking a dusty trail, when my mind churns through a dozen design options, know that he is with me.

I have not talked much

2011-06-17T07:42:00.000-07:00

when I was alone, i needed this pace more as a 'listening friend',
now it seems that since I am part of an amazing 'power couple', I do most of my conversing with one special person and do not have so many unexpressed inner thoughts, longings and dreams. My recent work is also great medicine, bring out the child/creative me, at the same time as it exhausts 85% of my human energy. the challenges are good ones, physical, emotional, and a good bit of self therapy in there as well. my eyes are working at the same time as my imagination; is what i just did right? and what goes next to or on top of that? will it all fit, look good and last a long time?

I love my writing and will come back here now and again to add to this space, or to tune or edit some postings. Know that if I am not here, I am out there enjoying a great summer, and making things that improve my corner of this world.

My children ( 2/3 of them) are here for the summer, and I look forward to all that potential. There is so very much to do on all fronts, pray that I will be inspired, motivated and have great energy for the work, and the play.

I want ( and need ) to travel to see some of my mom's relatives ( that I have never met) before it is too late. i want to see Seattle, and am dreaming of a trip to Germany, in the fall. I need lots of possibilities to keep me happy. if they all don't happen this year, that will be alright. It is in God's hands.

tropical sunset

2011-06-16T07:48:00.000-07:00

beginninga and endings of days seem to hold more meaning for me than the times in between.
I guess I need markers, to say, 'Here it comes', or 'There was a very good day!'.
I just love the sun, and the way God uses it to color my world. the spring trip to Florida was a delight, and I need to recall those dreamy days and cool breezy nights when I am in the midst of a long stretch of work and home tasks. God has been so good to me. He paints when I am too busy to do so.

something for Monday

2011-06-13T07:25:00.001-07:00

prayer for a friend

2011-05-10T08:23:00.000-07:00

Philippians 4:8 (NIV)

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Reposted from August -

2011-05-08T10:24:00.000-07:00

I hugged your mom today

I kissed her forehead and prayed

I laughed with mom today

Told her it was okay

That rest was a good thing

and sound sleep a blessing

Told her she was loved and needed

saw the fear in her eyes as it receded

I blessed our God today

that length of life and joy can be together

I thanked the heavenly father

for the gift that is our mother.

Mr. and Mrs. Oren C. Schmidt

2011-05-02T06:26:00.000-07:00

got my new shoes on

2011-04-26T07:45:00.000-07:00

pray for Heather

2011-04-23T20:08:00.001-07:00

Please pray for her family.
they lost their sweet Emma Friday.
drop by and say a prayer
this is her BLOG

time away

2011-04-15T08:12:00.001-07:00

investing infamily this weekend
I am down at the ocean.

sweet music

2011-04-14T07:17:00.001-07:00

NEW (s)

2011-04-06T07:53:00.001-07:00

Newly installed wood stove
New paint on upstairs guest room
New bamboo on 50% of the downstairs floor
and today... Debi's cabin gets NEW carpet on the upstairs rooms
then the NEW furniture can be assembled in the Master bedroom.

at my house there is also news.
its trash day, and there is a big pile of it, waiting for the sanitation engineers to haul away.

April fine.

2011-04-01T08:51:00.000-07:00

as in fine and dandy.

I worked hard on the Fireplace yesterday
and the guest closets, but have to do some major cleanup on the job site today
It is getting so I can hardly walk through
and finding tools is a challenge.
wish me luck! and energy.
God bless you all ( both)
a blog must have readers to be real....
hehe

Monday, but blues free.

2011-03-28T10:50:00.000-07:00

No blues on this bright Monday morning
Too many great memories in my life.
So many excellent challenges ahead
and of course it helps to be walking with a good friend
and knowing that my God, who loves me, is also making plans for me
Jer 29:11

Strangely

2011-03-26T07:15:00.001-07:00

in this case pictures can only poorly tell the story of our travels, because they leave out too much of the work and emotion that are precursors to the escape that the Keys of Florida and their inhabitants ( human and otherwise) became for two sojourners.

Miami to Key West

2011-03-26T07:15:00.000-07:00

redoing the front room

2011-03-14T09:33:00.000-07:00

long overdue for fresh paint and badly in need of a dose of color and personality, mom's room is getting a makeover. I did this on Sunday, and the weather was warm enough to open one window a bit for ventilation. I also did a massage for my friend, Lisa.

Last words

2011-02-18T10:42:00.000-08:00

it has been too long
( how many bloggers start with that line?)
it has been almost two months since my mom passed into the presence of Jesus.
three weeks ago we had the most wonderful memorial service for her where we were joined by many of her friends from church. Since then I have experienced a sense of the freedom of not being her care giver, of not being the scheduler, the cook and the medicine man.
I did what I did well, and fell great about caring for my mom. I pray that if some day I need that sort of care, it will be provided. My family is amazing and I thank God for every one of them.
The peace we have now is substantial, and lasting, knowing that mom is in the best hands, in the hands of her creator, and savior.

i built this once with the help of my son Oren

2011-02-06T14:20:00.000-08:00

mom. my eulogy

2011-01-26T21:04:00.000-08:00

Dorothy loved being a mom, and we loved being her children.
there is no way to share even a small portion of that love with you today in these few words. She cared deeply, believed in people and gave generously within her family and to her community.
Mom moved to big Bear after our father died in 1978. She was alone for the first time in almost 40 years, but faith and determination got her through. meeting good people such as yourself made her life rich. everywhere she went she found kindness, acceptance and opportunity. this small town was just her size.
Here she made friends, built a new life around her church, the school where she worked and the library. if you know mom at all you know she loved to read! Her desire to learn and grow took her into bible studies. her need to serve was met in the legion of Mary.

***********

you were a big part of her and who she came to be in the thirty years she spent with you, here. She shed some of her previous life when she left Van Nuys to move here, glad to be away from the crowds, the traffic and the noise.
There is no doubt that she EXTENDED her life when she moved to these beautiful mountains. Of course we are thankful that she lived a long and healthy life, largely free of any accidents or ailments. The most significant Extension of mom's life was how she moved outward from her little five room cabin into this generous, warm, healing community. Here she learned to overcome the loss of her husband of 36 years, she found her own strength, deepened her faith and developed more of that resolve that made her who she was. She found a way, some times she had to make a way. She even had to push obstacles out of the way, and God was with her every step!

we look forward hearing from some of you and hearing your stories

smiling now

2011-01-25T08:49:00.000-08:00

2011-01-22T15:43:00.001-08:00

Dorothy Schmidt 02/06/1919 to 12/27/2010

2010-12-29T21:02:00.000-08:00

Thank you is not enough to say to the many friends of Dorothy Schmidt. With her passing Monday, we, her family, wanted to express our deep gratitude for the many prayers, visits and kind thoughts offered to her and to us.
Her body has now ceased to function but her strength and spirit are undiminished by physical death. Her love was never confined to the room she was in or her own home, and it is in no way be reduced by her passing from this finite world. Her joy at living is implanted in every mountain meadow, every cool stream and the sound of the breeze in the pines.
She is not be gone, nor dead. She is suddenly more alive than we could ever imagine, and now not limited by aches or stiffness. The Lord that she honored with her life and service to her community now asks that we honor her with our own valiant struggle against the enemies of mortal man.
Grieve but recover from your grief. Cry but then dry your tears.
In all these things Dorothy has been our example, our guide.
So please go outdoors, be with your loved ones, invest in people.
Honor your elders, for they hold history within themselves.
Rejoice in the little ones who are our future.
Teach some one to read and open for them a portal to the world.
She loved her garden and flowers but does not wish that you gather these for her, today. Bring a bouquet of kindness, an arrangement of generosity, a handful of loving words offered to another. These are what she gave to us.

Her last days were spent at her home in the company of her children, grandchildren and friends as she had requested. Her community of faith, St. Joseph's, will be the place where we shall all celebrate her life and passing on to glory.
Dorothy Schmidt is still with us; in every kind word we share, in every sunset we enjoy and most of all in our hearts where the love of God reminds us that we are all special.

the REAL story

2010-12-25T17:39:00.000-08:00

And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, to the city of David, which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and family of David; to enroll himself with Mary, who was betrothed to him, being great with child. And it came to pass, while they were there, the days were fulfilled that she should be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn son; and she wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

a terrific day

2010-12-21T10:18:00.000-08:00

enjoy

2010-12-18T22:33:00.001-08:00

home

2010-12-17T00:39:00.000-08:00

hannah is home for the holidays
grandma is not doing very well, at all.

friday after Thanksgiving

2010-12-11T19:06:00.000-08:00

that is our boat, and Oren and Suzanne enjoying a fabulous day ot the ocean with my lucky self

only friday

2010-12-10T06:13:00.000-08:00

This has been a very long week for mom.
She has been unable to move about on her own,
so we lift her, and use wheels in the house.
She needs our strength to steady her when she stands.

eagle season in Big Bear

2010-12-04T08:17:00.000-08:00

pies, eyes and sleeping grandma

2010-11-27T10:15:00.000-08:00

old pics of hannah

2010-11-25T18:38:00.000-08:00

teeth marks?

2010-11-19T11:38:00.000-08:00

as we traveled toward Ana Capa Island the dolphins came by us for a look and to play under the bow of our happy sail boat.

sailing 1997

2010-11-15T10:03:00.000-08:00

2010-11-08T19:07:00.000-08:00

pain

2010-11-07T19:59:00.001-08:00

I am having a delayed reaction to a loss about two weeks ago, combined with the every day losses of watching my mom decline and get ready to die. Some times are very sweet. Other times I function only out of duty. Many hours of the day are spent waiting for something we don't really want. Much of this work is trying NOT to think too much, and just GO with what needs to be done at the moment.

peace

2010-11-05T21:42:00.001-07:00

Shalom
my favorite Hebrew or Jewish word.

I have peace, mostly
but some nights I can not sleep well
others I get interrupted by elder care duties.
but I am well, and busy
and full of happiness at all that God has allowed.

Silver Saturday

2010-10-30T10:29:00.000-07:00

hello.
I love my life, no doubt about that
even in the dark days or the less sunny seasons
I have kept my faith and my buoyancy with the help of
friends ( like you :-) ) and family - God bless them!
I have joy and peace that comes from knowing that
all is as it should be.
Proof of that last statement is this:
This is how it is, how could it be another way?

What God has given us is so much more than we expected
and so much more than we deserved.
My mom has had much more time than most women
to enjoy her comfy warm home, her dog, her beautiful mountain community
and recently to re-experience camping in the Sierra Nevada and locally.
She has been generous with her family, and it has come back to her,
she gets the kind of loving care and attention that we all would want.
I can sense the gratitude in her heart for being able to be
in her own home, not on strong pain medications
and able to visit freely with those who come to call and pray with her.

We are ever so thankful that God has made this day
and filled it with such beauty.
Thank you for your prayers.
Mom lives, and fully, until she is translated into God's presence at some future time.

2010-10-28T18:12:00.001-07:00

i am so tired
mom is too
life goes on
and mercy is new every morning
i think i will turn in early
and speed up the arrival of some new mercy
and less bags under my eyes

parents weekend

2010-10-10T19:15:00.000-07:00

just back from a weekend visit
to Hannah at her university.
what a wonderful girl and
what a great amount of work she is doing and
the performance was absolutely terrific.
Thank you, God for my special daughter

FALL?? not at all

2010-10-07T09:03:00.000-07:00

better days
we are having a great life
all of us
and it is surely because of God's goodness
the sky is clear today
and I see wonderful occasions to celebrate
in the future

this weekend is parents weekend at Hannah's university
so I will be down there seeing her Saturday and part of Sunday.

Chicken Little

2010-09-29T16:35:00.000-07:00

is the sky falling in on me??

not really.

Just seems that things that COST MONEY
are costing much more than I ever expected
the good news is that I can work long and hard to pay for these expenses
and enjoy the benefits of the items repaired, restored or newly aquired.
God give me wisdom to know what I can fix and what I can not...

My focus and strength remain VERY high, which is a blessing.

2010-09-25T23:09:00.000-07:00

wow - today was good.
found new ways to think, and to do
worked on MANY different things
the Rv battery situation
the hose repairs
choosing a trim color
cleaning off more of the front driveway
watering all around the property
planning aspects of the workshop ( under the tree house)
went to dinner with mom and my beloved
set up a small water fountain ion the front yard
wrote a piece of the camping story
made plans for tomorrow
and resumed work on the Kayak.....
getting ready for the first layer of fiber glass on the hull.

i am happy, full and can't wait for the sun to come up

Nothing is like it

2010-09-20T14:35:00.000-07:00

standing or sitting beneath the GIANT sequoias is a feeling like no other.
Mom and her team had a great trip and are blessed that God allowed this season in our lives.

added Oct 1 2011, Sentinel: n on that keeps watch, guards. How appropriate in this new season of my life. God has blessed me with many sentinels, and His word is one of them, His Holy Spirit also.

getting it all together

2010-09-12T14:40:00.000-07:00

soon we will be on the road ( AGAIN!)
and headed up to see the BIG TREES.
two days of packing and planning menu and securing lots of warm clothing and sleeping stuff for our four musketeers. If you have never seen Giant Sequoia's, it is the largest living thing on earth. It makes you appreciate what a great world God gave us.
I need that now

headed south

2010-09-08T07:39:00.000-07:00

are we headed south? toward winter?
yes indeed, if we are past fifty, we are likely headed into the latter half of our lives and certainly into the area of greatest uncertainty. but there should not be fear or distress. Any age, with God at your side is a time of growth, of joy and of renewal. Be better, not in and of yourself, but a better servant of others, a better reflection of divinity, and a better picture of immortality. These eighty, ninety or hundred years on earth are just a small foretaste of what living really is.

better days

2010-09-03T08:47:00.000-07:00

What remains are Love, faith and a sense of humor.
She can laugh, she believes, and she always shows how important we are to her.

three weeks from today

2010-08-26T22:24:00.000-07:00

mom and I and some friends will be camped next to this river, just downstream from the old log bridge.
i bet it is every bit as magical as when I was first there.... 54 years ago